Happily ever After
by Stencil
Summary: Complete insanity. some strange girls, ron, draco, and randomly put together words. a start of a very disturbing adventure. crossover
1. Enter wierdness

A/N: Beware the insanity that is my and my friend's minds. This is what happens when we get together on a sunny Saturday. Even though most of the words don't make sense in their places they are ALL intentional.  
  
Disclaimer: this is pretty obvious.  
  
Happily ever after (In which muffins attack the earth and Ron DOES NOT hook up with Draco)  
  
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Ron. Too far in the past. Present Day: Ron was riding in a carriage with his friends: nameless people from Switzerland. All of a sudden they heard a loud clunk on the roof. To everyone's surprised (not Olga's) it was Charlotte. Ron was speechless from joy of meeting this mysterious girl and a closely following weirder girl who he also did not know. "Chippy!!!" yelled the weird one, as charlotte looked at Ron and his Swiss friends. Suddenly charlotte started to lose her balance and fell into Ron's arms. Unexpectedly a blond head of Draco popped out of nowhere "Oh beauty that is Olga!!!" he cried out passionately "Will you marry me?" Olga was startled "How did you know my name and how did you know I wasn't sleeping?" Draco had love in his eyes "I could smell it with my heart". "Get away you weirdo. Get him Master Chief!" yelled Olga and a small dog wearing a space helmet jumped out of the woods. The Swiss people started to feel uncomfortable. One of them jumped up and his hair fell out. "Oh bloody hell" he said vaguely "It looks like I'm bald now". Draco sighed, "Watch your language in front of the ladies, especially as fair as Olga" While all the commotion charlotte was still in Ron's arms looking at him lovingly. "Oh good Ron, Hi. My name is Charlotte. I like walks on the beach and chicken wings." Ron looked delighted "Me too." Charlotte snogged him "We're made for each other." Olga finally fell off the roof, Draco wanted to catch her but he was too slow and plus Master Chief chewing on his leg didn't help. "All right people. Time to go to school" Olga yelled excitedly. "Yes!!" a rose flew by as Tuxedo Mask struck a womanly pose. Andrea followed closely "I finally caught up with you Mr. Mask" She threw herself on him and began rubbing her face against his." Tuxedo Mask looked vaguely uncomfortable. "My heart leaps with joy." He said. Bushy-haired guy was looking bemusedly at the scene unfolding before him. "Okay people no point in holding up the traffic, Move along." Draco turned around with a maniacal look in his eyes "I will NOT let you talk to us (me) like that. Don't you have some grounds to keep? Or someth.." His speech was interrupted by the sound of a speeding away carriage "NO!! Not again.." soon Draco was speeding after the speeding carriage. By the time Draco got to school a couple of hours passed and every one was already sorted except Tuxedo Mask, they kicked him out 'cause they said he was too creepy with that mask on and the flowy cape and all. Olga also almost got kicked out for randomly pointing at passing people and mentioning Chippy so much for no reason what so ever.  
  
A/N: gasp I wonder what's going to happen next. What houses did the girls get sorted into? What happened to Tuxedo Mask after such brutal rejection? And how will Draco cope with that one-sided love of his? 


	2. Finally got to school

A/N: a rather short chapter this time, but the next one will be up really, really soon.  
  
Happily Ever After  
  
Chap. 2  
  
Draco stood angrily in front of everyone. "You didn't wait for me?" he yelled, somewhat angrily. His face turning a shade of pink that Olga found interesting. Master Chief was still hanging off his leg, chewing his sock enthusiastically.  
Draco looked at the floor and saw a piece of wood. Instantly his mood changed. "Pine!" he cried, picking up the piece of wood and beginning to chew it. Olga seemed to become overcome with joy as he chewed, spraying splinters everywhere.  
  
"Oh, Draco!" she cried, throwing herself at him, "Never stop eating wood!"  
The random Swiss guys seemed slightly more than slightly disturbed. "Bloody hell," the bald on said, "Has anyone seen my hair?" Everyone ignored him.  
Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask ( or Tuxxy ) was also quite annoyed of people in general. "I'm not creepy!" he said, chucking a handful of very pointy- stemmed roses at the wall. He looked around him. "I'm the most normal guy here." He took out a mirror and put a rose behind his ear. Somewhat consoled, he began to spell out his name, in roses on the wall. Under his breath, he began to hum the Star Wars theme.  
  
Near to where Draco was (still) eating wood (he had moved on to a nearby door, and Olga seemed entrance as he attacked the door). Charlotte and Ron were sitting. Snatches of their conversation could be heard over Draco's chomping and Olga's crooning (she seemed to be singing to him)  
"You like Lord of the Rings? Me too!"  
  
On cue Legolas pranced through the door Draco was eating in polka- dotted boxers. His hair (perfectly conditioned) was swinging as he began to bounce around the room. "I'm beeeeauuuutiiiifuul!" he sang, grabbing Tuxxy's mirror and gazing at himself adoringly. Suddenly he looked unhappy.  
  
"My god. What happened to my hair? Where is my brush?" Legolas immediately rummaged through the pockets of his boxers for a purple hairbrush with pink, yellow and green flowers all over it. As it was later discovered the said above brush used to belong to Aragorn. Legolas stole it (obviously following Olga's example.) along with his shampoo and conditioner, which explains the messy and greasy state of Aregorn's hair. Since the time Aragorn found the brush missing he couldn't locate it, so since then he was forced to use a tree brunch he found in a dumpster to brush out the tangles that resigned on his head.  
All of a sudden Aregorn stormed in through the half eaten door. In his extended hand he was proudly carrying the infamous twig. "Legolas I need your.." He was interrupted by a shrill sound coming from behind him. "Oak!!" in a second Draco was hanging from Aregorn's hand. Aregorn looked horrified "Nooo. Chippy!!"  
  
A/N; Carmen, be happy. You're in the next chapter. 


	3. Slip of the tongue

Happily Ever After Chap.3  
  
All motion was interrupted by the chewing noises of a Swiss guy eating garbage. "Mmm, garbage" he moaned. "Garbage is nothing compared to wood. Been there done that"- grunted Draco with splinters stuck in his hair and eyes. Simon walks in as the bringer of the shoes. "Shoooes!!!" squealed Olga happily. She threw herself on the floor before him and stroked the shoes.  
"Run, Simon! Run!" said Charlotte, "You'll never escape with your shoes!"  
Carmen kicked open the door and entered carrying a basket of various cookies. "Eeeeeeaaaaaat!!" she cried desperately thrusting the cookies into Tuxxy's face. Looking alarmed, he quickly retreated into his enormous cape. Struggling inside of it to get out, he purposefully punched himself in the eye, hoping that he could charge someone with assault later on.  
As Tuxxy battled with himself, Carmen's cookies began to mutate. As she watched they slowly, in a quick way, turned into flood cookies (floodookies) and began to fly around waving their tentacles and occasionally spewing out orange icing onto the walls in stripy patterns.  
"No! Save the shoes! Save the shoes!" Olga yelled out while running around in circles.  
At that moment a dark figure peeked into the room. No one noticed that except another Swiss friend of Ron's. He yelled out something in Swissian, no one understood but it got people's attention. "It's not my fault!" screeched Inky the safety pin when Olga started to prick Simon's shoes with him. "Why won't anyone try my cookies?' Carmen postulated worriedly while trying to hold down one of the flookookies. At that time Legolas was protectively covering his hair. "Legolas, give me your brush" whine Aregorn childishly. "No! You have your twig, use that." Aregorn's expression changed. His bottom lip was trembling "Chip-|sniff|-py?" He instantly glared at Draco who at the moment was ignoring him because he was too preoccupied with some delicious looking splinters from his previous chomping.  
All the commotion didn't seem to pull Charlotte away from Ron until she let something slip. "oh, Ron. We have to include Draco, he's too beautiful" -----OOOOOhhhhh---- random people said. (Mentioned above random people weren't really there but they did take the opportunity to "ooh" at Charlotte)  
"No!" said Charlotte, "That's no what I meant! It's the stress! Stress!" She proceeded to twitch vaguely on the floor. Ron looked a little confused. " Am I beautiful too?" he asked no one in particular. Charlotte's face spasmed as she struggled to speak.  
Meanwhile, Legolas was cavorting with the floodookies. As he began to sing (in a strange Elvish dialect) it soon became apparent that elves are not graceful or talented at everything. Everyone stopped to stare at him in alarm, their mouths open (some floodookies accidentally (or suicidally) entered here). Olga seemed to thing that Legolas was swearing. Looking concerned, she threw herself over the shoes.  
"Ignorant elf!" she screamed in a frenzy, "Do not utter such profanities before the ears of the shoes!" Protectively she patted the shoes. Not even Tuxxy was idiotic enough to point out that the shoes didn't have ears.  
It was then that Simon started praying. "Please take this maniac away from my shoes!" he thought frantically. Instantly, MegaPorc, the porcupine god appeared in a shimmery cloud. "Use the force, Simon," he chanted, "Use the force!" MegaProc then began to loudly hum the Star Wars theme. 


	4. Haldir's back

A/N: Yay! A trip soon.  
  
Chap. 4  
  
Eowyn ran into the room with her finger extended, ready for poking Aragorn's eye. -poke poke- "How old are you?" she said gleefully. "No! My eye! My beautiful eye" Aragorn was rolling on the ground in pain covering his eye with Tuxxy's cape. Eowyn was angry now "Answer me" she screamed dancing around. The rising cape. "Leave him alone you blond-haired-elf-girl- wanna-be man." Olga shouted hoppily. Eowyn gasped, "my secret identity has been revealed. I must run into the mountains now and regroup with my tribe of she-boys." At that time Harry opened the broom closet. He looked confused. Hissing could be heard from inside it. " The light. It burns!" "Patience my love." Ron said to the being inside the mysterious closet. Or not. Ron rushed inside the closet and grabbed a broom as the being made profane comments. "Jin! My best friend!" squealed Olga while doing black magic in attempt to bring Haldir back from the dead. Haldir didn't respond. Olga became angry and hit him over the head with Ron's broom. "Fool!!" she yelled as she grabbed him by the leg (olas) and began to stroke it. Suddenly he started to speak. "Go away, I'm sleeping!" said the not so dead Haldir. "And don't touch my leg (olas) like that." " But I love thee don't reject my love, my love" Draco interrupted their heartfelt conversation with a splinter thrown at Haldir's leg (olas). "I will always love you and your leg stroking ways, my love!" he said vaguely. He then proceeded to eat one of haldir's arrows. "Mmm. Elvish.." he muttered. Haldir staggered to his feet. " I cannot love you, Olga!" He said. "For my love belongs to another" Olga yelled in frustration. "I hope this another is one of my personalities of which there are many!" she said in a calculating voice as she grinned in a disturbing way and compulsively stroked haldir's leg (olas). Suddenly she started crying "Master Chief. I miss you" Draco fell to his knees in front of her. "Is there anything I can do to ease your pain?" Olga looked at his sad pathetic face. "Let go of my leg you greasy haired grease boy bandit" Draco looked shocked "Bandit? Me?" "That's right " Jin yelled as she crawled out of the closet "You stole my closet full of naked men! There is no mercy for you" She started forward as if to attack him but then stopped "I have no wish to touch your greasy, greasy body " Draco smiled at Jin in a twisted attempt to look good (he failed horribly). He ran a hand through his hair . it cam away coated with grease. "I am greasy, aren't I!" he said happily and started to tap dance around Jin. As he danced, he sung, "Oh, my grease! Never leave me alooone!"  
Jin looked disgusted. "You are a dirty, dirty person." She declared and began to loudly hum (to back out Draco's joyful song.)  
Legolas's ears perked up. "I sense and old and dirty man in the north!" he muttered to himself. Immediately, he started off towards Aragorn, who was now peeking out from underneath Tuxxy's cape. Legolas bent down and whispered, "My old and unclean friend, I sensed your presence. Come, let us journey to the mountains and join Eowyn's she boy tribe. I sense we will be accepted, as we are both quite womanly. " Legolas stood up and struck a very Master Chiefy pose. Quietly they snuck off in the direction of the mountains. Meanwhile, Olga seemed distressed. She was apparently unable to stop petting Haldir's leg. Finally he sat up, mumbling, "I sense anger and dancing grease in the west." For a minute. Olga forgot she was talking to one of her one true loves. "Oh, that's just Jin and Draco." Insanity kicked in. "Oh, Haldir!" she cried, "You liiiiive! She grabbed a hunk of the door Draco had been eating and gave it to him." Oh, Haldir! No one can eat wood like you can!" 


	5. Enter Anankin, then exit

A/N: A trip very soon.  
  
Chap 5  
  
In many ways he was distinctly ape-like. He wasn't really human, or an ape, but he had some ape-like traits. He might have had red hair, but it was too dark to tell. Quietly he grinned, and wondered about the pasta that was simmering on the stove. "Dude, stovin'!" he said in a squiggly tone. At that moment Carmen kicked the door open and her feral army of floodookies flooded in. "Get him, my precious" she screamed maniacally as not really flood and not really cookies engulfed Anakin Skywalker. Later That Day While Olga was running around the room in panic from the unexpected abandonment by Legolas and Aragorn. Carmen stormed in with a enormous bag on her back. "Ha-ha look what I looted" grinned Carmen as ape-like Anakin fell out on the floor. "Dude! I WAS cooking pasta" he looked upset as he pulled some of it out of his pocket. However, on setting eyes on the pasta, he brightened up. "Dude, it looks like a brain!" he said, as he proceeded to prod the pasta. Quickly, though Anakin grew bored with watching the pasta jiggle and started eating it.  
Carmen watched Anakin eat with an expression on her face that Olga might have worn while watching Draco eat wood. "Oh, Anakin!" she cried, "Although I know you will one day be old, bald, evil and unshaped, right now I love you and your pasta poking ways!" Carmen fell to the floor and finished Anakin's pasta. "Dude!" said Anakin, "Dude, that was like, my best friend." He eyes grew large and sorrowful as he attempted to express his grief. "Chiiiipy!" he yelled.  
Meanwhile, Draco was expressing his love for Olga. "Olga," he said, "Although you seem to fancy numerous old, dirty and suspiciously feminine men, I could never leave you." Olga was looking kind of bored at this point. Draco didn't notice, as a look of intense concentration appeared on his face. Then he said, "Besides, you still owe me a fish."  
Olga's eyes slid sideways to focus on the desperately greasy blonde. She paused for a minute as if to consider what he was saying, then with a lot of pride she said, "I'm sorry, but my cat seems to have eaten it." Her expression didn't change when Charlotte inched closer to Olga and whispered "Olga, you don't have a cat." Olga looking terrified in slow motion threw herself on the floor covering, what people guessed was, invisible cat's ears. "Is there no end to your cruelty?" -insert silence- Olga got up dusting herself and looked at her watch. "If I remember correctly somebody promised me a trip" she resumed staring at Charlotte. Ron crawled in "I want to go too. Why won't you let her go Charlotte? Why, Charlotte? Why?"  
Charlotte looked annoyed. "I'm not stopping her. I've been ready to go for ages." Charlotte glance towards Carmen who was talking reassuringly to Anakin. "Oh, poor baby, " she said. "I'll stop you from becoming an asthmatic bald guy. If you stay with me, you'll be beautiful forever." Anakin fell asleep as she talked, muttering, "Oh, pretty Anakin, always pretty." He proceeded to dream about himself in 60 years. He looked the same as he did at present, only slightly girlier. When she was sure Anakin was asleep, Carmen began to search him. Soon she found his light saber. She made the blade come out, and started stroking the handle. "Yess, my precious. Now we have his light saber, we can carry out plan. Yess.. make them short and fat, like the ssstupid fat hobbit." Carmen glanced around to make sure no one was listening. Everyone was. Carmen looked uncomfortable. "What are you looking at?" she asked. Silence. Ron whispered, " I love you Charlotte!" When everyone turned to stare at him, Carmen yelled, in a strange language (as subtitles flashed through the air) "Come, my rabid flookookes, we leave!" The floodookies flew into the air and grabbed Carmen and Anakin. Carmen laughed evilly while Anakin mumbled something about his father. Then they were gone. 


	6. To the mountains

"To the mountains" yelled out Olga excitedly.. Ron kept crawling behind her. "Please don't leave me behind, who knows what Charlotte will do to me." Charlotte was dragging in the end of the line grunting angrily and putting things in boxed maniacally. "yes... blame it on Nashville." Muttered Charlotte throuwing a social studies textbook viciously into a tree. There was a yelp as the book hit something... Draco fell gout of the tree, a branch in his mouth. He looked angrily at Charlotte. "I WAS eating, you know." He told her. Charlotte threw another textbook at him. It hit his head, but Draco was unharmed because of all the grease/gel in his hair, that acts as Charlotte's bike mattress to make things simply bounce off. Olga looked at him in awe "I wish I had something to protect me like that" she said as she wet her hair in a drinking fountain. Sunddenly everyone heard the bushed rustling. The toque guy came out "Has anyone sen, Creepy guy? We were calmly drinking tea and the next thing I know a wild she-boy ran in, grabbed him and carried him away."............Olga did a super hero pose "I will help you rescue him even though he's very creepy... and as soon as someone gives me directions." Master Chief (the dog) started barking at the mountains in the north just as a random elf poped out. "Shush little dog. Or I won't be able to feel the mountain presence in the South."  
"yes!" cried Olga, "Let the pretty elf feeeeeel the prescence!" Charlotte looked at the toque guy." This she-boy," she said, "Was..." she searched for the right gender and failed to find it...." It old, dirty and wearing pig tails?" The T.G. looked surprised. "Yes...it did resemble this description." Olga looked up from brushing her hair (using Draco's hair as a mirror). "That was no she-boy... That was Aragorn! My Aragorn! Oh my poor, poor, elderly love! OOOooohhh!" Olga collapse. The elf looked slightly disturbed, and a look of intense concentration crossed his face. It looked painful. The elf said, "Yes... in the south.. mountains...pig tailed man.... Prancing..always..prancing.." his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted. "  
"To the mountains...agains!" Olga said while Master Chief climbed on her head. "Olga! I must come with you!" wailed Draco. Everyone ignored (momentarally) Charlotte chasing Ron, and Ron's poor attempts to crawl away. "I will lend you my retrition cape"- proclaimed Tuxxy as he qppeared with Andrea clinging to his she. "What's wrong, Ron? Where has the love gone?" Charlotte's eyes watered "humpf, Whatever, I'll find someone else. Let's go Olg." By that time Draco was handed a paddle as the gang approached the ocean. Swim swim swim. It was an unpleasent sail, someone has been puking a lot because of the undigested wood, which made the tub smell and made Master Chief rather cranky, Hend all the bite marks. (except on Olga because m.c. loves Olga). Olga fell onto the ground "Man, that was long" Charlotte ignored her as her yoda ears perked up. "Dude, like, we're not in the mountains" People turned around to see Yug in a little park nearby. –WOW- said more random people.  
Yug waved and yelled, "Yo! I'm too sexy for all of you!" Draco looked offended and whispered to Master Chief who was attached to his leg. "I'm prettier than that firly tree boy...and greasier." Master Chief looked disgusted and ran way to hide behind Olga.  
Charlotte's Yoda ears were swivelling insanely. "I'm pinking up a radio signal.." She went crossed eyed for a few seconds and then said, "Apparently we're in Brazil.. stupid elf... I bet he was from Nashvilled". Draco looked offended again." The best wood comes from Nashville!.. I buy my grease/gel from there too." He took out a mirror and checked his hair to make sure it was still shiny. It was. Yuh was annoyed that no one was paying attention to him, "Dude!YO! A I like-"A random person cut him off by throwing a rock at him. Yug then began to sway back and forth muttering things about his ultimate sexiness and blonde guys who use too much gel. The sound of bass could be heard (even though Olga doesn't distinguish guitars from basses she knows when she hears one) "oh bass!" Olga darted towards the sound. Charlotte followed close by in hopes of finding pet. Olga bounded over a fence and into a yard where she threw herself at a guy playing bass. "Oh , my husband!" she yelled. The guy looked at her and stopped playing, "You've been decieving me again, haven't you?" he said. "What???!!!" Olga yelped defencively "Well, I never..." she trailed off for now seeing as how a laughter interrupted her. "Mwahaha!" Attenction was turned to the roof of the house. It was swarming with floodookies and Carmy in the middle. "Carmy!!" the guy she left standing in the library alone a whle ago pranced into the picture. "Is this why you left me then? For this? For mutated cookies and Brazilian foortops?"  
Carmen grinned crazily, "That's right!" The guy she left fell to the fround, "Oh cruel and hearless fiend!" he cried as tears streamed down his face, "Just because I'm in grade 9 doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" He sniffed sadly (in the most pathetic sense of the word). Carmen didn't seem to care about his feelings... whatever grade they heppened to be in. "Au revoir!" she yelled, and jumped onto the nearest floodookie. With her somewhat rabid army following her, Carmy flew out of sight. The abondoned grade 9 looked up. "Anyone want to go shoot things?" he asked. Master Chief(the person) walked around the corner into sight. "I'll go" he said. Olga woul've gone too, but she was suling in the corner. The abondoned guy started walking waay from the yard. "Hurry up, M.C.!" he said, M.C. ran girlishly to catch up with him, saying in a suspiciously feminine voice. "I AM hurrying." 


End file.
